


If I Could Tell Her

by alltimelilly



Series: 2017 Song Challenge [4]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Deh - Freeform, F/M, Song Challenge, Song fic, dear evan hansen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 10:22:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11355498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alltimelilly/pseuds/alltimelilly
Summary: Based on the song If I Could Tell Her from Dear Evan Hansen, you have a crush on a boy but don’t have the confidence to talk to him. Peter looks like his friend, maybe he knows something. With that assumption in mind, you bring yourself to talk to him about your crush. How bad could a little lie be, Evan Hansen?





	If I Could Tell Her

**Author's Note:**

> yes that summary was a little sarcastic but i love it thanks. I HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH THIS IM SCREAMING CUSJADUKWUQ I LOVE THIS MUSICAL SO MUCH. there are a lot of references to the musical in here…who can get them all? i will love you for forever if you get them all. (that one doesn’t count…and neither do the lyrics)

In English, most times you were unable to focus. It wasn't because of lack of understanding, daydreaming, or just not wanting to do anything; you were trying to read him. Not in a weird way of trying to figure out if you have telepathy, but you were trying to read his face to see if you could see what he was thinking. As he worked on the project with Peter Parker and Ned Leeds, you wondered if Peter and Ned were friends with him.

Of course, it would be hard to tell; as you do not talk to any of them regularly. Peter Parker: The dork you have talked to maybe twice who seems nervous around everyone. Ned Leeds: Peter's best friend who is just as dorky, but you do not know the slightest thing about. He always acts strange around you when you two have to work together in other classes, you just assume he dislikes you. And Jeremy Donnel: the boy you have a major crush on, have not talked to in full sentences, but can't get out of your head. With your face-reading, you were almost sure he has no idea who you are.

There were two minutes until the bell rang, meaning everyone in the class was already packed up and crowding around the door. You have lunch next period, and you were almost sure Peter had lunch then, too. It was now or never, and you were just going to do it before your mind chickened out on you and you never said a word.

"Hey, Peter," You called and walked up to where he and Ned were standing. "Hi, Ned. How's your project going?"

Peter jumped a little when he realized you were talking to him. "Um, it-it's going- real-really well!" He stuttered out with a smile on his face. "Y-yours?"

"I wouldn't know. I did what I was asked to research and my partners wanted to put it all together," You shrugged. "You have lunch next period, right?"

The bell rang and Peter nodded quickly. "Y-yeah...right...right now."

A smile grew on your face. "I have to ask you something, and it might be stupid, but if I don't-" You stopped yourself, deciding this was a bad idea and  _why would Peter know?_

"G-go for it. I'll answer," He encouraged as the two of you walked towards the lunch room. You started thinking about how you were going to start your questions, or even if Peter knew the answers.

You took a deep breath. "So, I know you know Jeremy- you guys are friends, right?" You asked.

Peter didn't want the conversation to end. He was freaking out inside- you wanted to talk about Jeremy? Honestly, he didn't even know Jeremy that well. The only reason they were partners was that Ned spoke up and asked him to join their group and the teacher's rule is "never say no." Peter and Jeremy had rarely spoken before the project- they were nothing more than acquaintances. "Yeah! Jeremy and I are pretty close. Why?" Peter replied, quicker than intended, hoping it wasn't suspicious.

You giggled a bit. "I just...I like him, right? And I just want to know if he even knows of me," You sighed, wondering how the hell you convinced yourself to do this. If you could travel back in time, you would totally stop yourself from having this conversation.

If there was one thing Peter knew about Jeremy Donnel, it was that he talks shit about nearly everyone. Of course, Jeremy knows who you are- but only because he made fun of everyone in english class. Peter panicked, not wanting to upset you, and he had very little idea of what he was going to do. Peter's massive crush on you was blocking out everything he  _should_  tell you; like the fact that he and Jeremy aren't close, that Jeremy only knows about you because he was talking bad, and that none of what he was about to say is true. "Are you kidding me? He thinks  _you're awesome!_ " Peter blurted out, finally figuring out what was going to happen, but couldn't stop himself.

Peter was going to tell you all his observations and feelings, but say that it was Jeremy who thought it. 

" _He thinks I'm awesome? Jeremy?_ " You giggled, your cheeks turning red. " _How?_ "

"Well," Peter started, a small smile on his face as he thought about all the amazing things about you. "He said  _there's nothing like your smile...sort of, subtle, and perfect, and real,_ " Peter complimented, seeing the beautiful smile of yours grow on your face. He felt horrible telling you that this is something Jeremy said, but he continued on. He didn't want to see you get sad by knowing the truth...how harmful could a small lie be?

Peter continued to think. "And, oh! He said  _you never knew how wonderful that smile could make someone feel!_ "

You wanted to explode with joy when Peter told you that Jeremy noticed the things you do when you get bored. Doodle- on paper, your jeans, your shoes, even your hands, and arms. Or that you still do things people would think were for younger teens, like reading and filling out the silly quizzes in magazines. How had you not noticed that he knew all of this? You try to read him all the time, and you have never once seen him look at you- how did he know?

You didn't care. Jeremy knew, and it seemed that he liked you, too!

" _But he kept it all inside his head, what he saw he left unsaid,_ " Peter told you, digging deeper into what he knew was truly his feelings. It was the whole reason why Ned was so strange around you, he knows about Peter's crush. Peter is insanely shy when it comes to you, he never knows how to start a conversation. Hence the reason why he rarely talks to you- he can't get himself to. " _And though he wanted to, he couldn't talk to you, he couldn't find a way_ ," Peter continued. He wished he could admit that this was all his feelings- that he had no idea how Jeremy felt about you. Well, he did. And it definitely was not what you would want to hear.

"You know,  _he would always say: if I could tell her everything I see...if I could tell her how she's everything to me...but we're a million words apart, and I don't know how I would even start_ ," Peter explained. You were a bit surprised by the "everything" part, but you were not against it. Everything else, though, was mutual. A million worlds apart- complete different social aspects, and not knowing how to start is the whole reason why you came to Peter and not Jeremy directly.

Your cheeks were as bright as a tomato and Peter seemed to get quieter. " _Uh..did he...did he say anything else?_ " You asked in a smaller voice, curious if there was any more that Jeremy had said.

" _A-about you?_ " Peter raised his eyebrow.

You made a mistake, you realized. " _Oh, no, nevermind!_ " You panicked. "I-I don't really care-"

" _No, no, no!_ " Peter demanded, " _Just...he says so much, I just need to remember the best ones!_ " He stuttered. Little did you know, this was paining Peter more and more as time went on. No matter what he told himself, he couldn't stop talking, and he couldn't say no. The lie was growing. "He...he thought  _you looked really pretty-_ uh, er, I mean-  _it looked pretty cool-"_

"He thinks I'm pretty?" You gasped, your jaw dropping to the floor. Before Peter could say anything else, you took off running. Now, Peter's jaw dropped and Ned walked over with Michele. 

"What's that face for?" Ned asked as he ate a chip.

Peter stumbled to get the words out and Michele told him to  _hurry it along_. "I-I told (Y/N) that Jeremy likes her..." He whispered.

Ned spit out his chip and his eyes widened. "What?  _You_  like (Y/N)! Jeremy hates (Y/N)!"

"I know!"

\---

Eyes red and puffy, heart hurting, and a frown on the face. You rushed into the school with tear stained cheeks and feeling like an idiot. You saw Ned and Peter standing by your locker, which just happened to be near Peter's.

"(Y/N)'s coming over here," Ned whispered. Or, he thought it was a whisper- because you heard it clear as day.

You looked down at your feet as you walked, having no confidence at all. Books cradled in your hands, you had never wished more for the power to be invisible. You could feel his eyes on you as you opened your locker and loaded a few things in that you wouldn't need until later. You could tell Ned was saying something about you, and when Michele walked up you were sure she commented on how you looked like shit. Not  _shit_ in the way that most girls would use as an insult, but  _shit_  like you didn't have any sleep and there was no effort in how you looked.

Taking a deep breath, you decided it was the perfect time to confront Peter. It was only a few minutes until the bell rang, so if you had to run off because of fear of crying, you have an excuse. "Peter," You called, talking as loud as your voice allowed you without breaking down, and still looking at your feet.

You saw Peter jump and his friends turn to look directly at you. "What the hell?" You said, looking up at him with anger- and sadness- in your eyes. "Why would you tell me that Jeremy said all those things?" You walked closer to him, becoming more intimidating by the second.

Ned and Michele figured it was best for them to sneak away and you didn't even notice them leave at first. But you didn't care, this was between you and Peter. "W-wh-what?" Peter asked.

"Did you tell me that Jeremy liked me so I would make a fool of myself? So you and your friends could laugh at me? Jeremy hates me, or that's what he told me! None of those things you told me were true, how could you?" You were almost yelling, not to mention crying, by now. It all hurt so much- to be lied to and think someone really did care about you, only to have it end in heartbreak and laughter.

"What? No! I did not mean to hurt you, not at all!" Peter overlapped your voice.

"I'm sure it was all one big joke-"

"I just didn't want to see you upset! I didn't think you were going to talk to him-"

"Just so you could laugh at me and think I'm a freak!" You shouted, only taking a second to take a breath as you continued to yell at him as he continued to yell back at you to defend himself.

He took a deep breath and was getting more upset. "No! I didn't know what to do because you seemed so happy about him and I  _loved_  seeing you so happy and-"

"But I'm not the freak! You're the freak!" You shouted and groaned. "And now I'm here crying because I've never felt this hurt and to know it was all so you and your friends could laugh about this and tell it to everyone- because why would anyone ever like me?" 

"What?" He gasped. "I'm not laughing at you! It wasn't a joke!"

"Because no one really likes me, that stuff doesn't happen to me! Why would I ever think I could ask someone about the guy I like- and you aren't even his friend! I just want to disappear, no one would notice-"

"I only said what I said because I don't know  _how to say **I love you!**_ " Peter shouted louder than either of you had shouted before.

It went silent.

Your mouth slammed shut and you looked at Peter with teary eyes. He looked extremely nervous, and pale like he was going to throw up. "I-I..." Peter sighed. It was only when his eyes widened as he looked passed you, did you notice that it was  _remarkably_  quiet- the halls were empty, the bell already rang.

You didn't know how to reply to Peter. Could you believe him? Why would he say something like that? He was obviously lying, right?

All these thoughts going through your head were going to drive you insane. Peter could see the confusion and panic in your face, and stepped in quickly to help. "All those things I told you yesterday...they were from my thoughts...if you didn't get that..." Peter mumbled.

You nodded, not saying anything. That was mostly because you didn't know what to say. Taking a deep breath, you looked at the clock. "I should really get to first period..." You trailed off. "I guess it looks like we will be talking later...right?" You raised your eyebrow in question.

Peter nodded quickly. "Y-yeah...bye..." He said and turned to walk the opposite way from you. "If I could tell her..." He whispered.

"What did you say?" You turned around quickly, not catching his murmur.

Peter looked confused. "What, no, I didn't say anything, you said something?"

"No...you said something."

"Oh..." Peter sighed. "No way...jose..." He made finger guns as he said it.

You nodded and pressed your lips into a straight line. "Okay...jose..." You mimicked his movement and walked to class.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to check out my tumblr, [@that-sokovian-bastard](http://that-sokovian-bastard.tumblr.com/), for more if you enjoyed!


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